While I do like to write, I don’t find comfort in speaking just to be heard; I feel that doing so is a waste of my time.
I come to you with a message (obviously again).
I’ve been having an existential crisis of sorts during these past few days.
I’ve been wondering whether or not I’m doing the right thing(and trying to figure out what the right thing is in the first place). This existential crisis was also brought upon by my constant usage of sleeping pills(the “hangover” of sorts that they cause me to have is nothing short of torturous.)
I mention the sleeping pills only to open you up to the fact that my mind was not where it needed to be; which is exactly where it needed to be. The sleeping pills caused me to be drowsy. The drowsiness in turn, caused me to feel off-center. That feeling of being off-center had a sort of butterfly effect and spilled into each and every one of the tasks that I’ve taken upon myself.
I felt overwhelmed for the first time in about 2 months.
That feeling of being overwhelmed was exactly what I needed.
Since I’m better at giving examples than I am with explaining things outright, I feel that I should throw one of those into this little story.
Have you ever built something and then realized that, halfway into building said thing everything needed to be redone.
You realized that something just wasn’t right about it. If it’s a program, you realized that there was a better way to do something.
Or you realized that the way that you’re putting the program together at that point in time simply wouldn’t be very effective; it all needs to be started over.
If you’re painting a house, you realized halfway through that you picked the wrong shade and need to re-do everything.
Either way, something needs to be redone and you realized that that something needs to be redone in the middle of each of these activities.
That’s how I felt. I realized that something wasn’t right and knew that I had to do something to fix that something.
Thankfully, that something just meant that I needed to do a bit of reformatting of a few things-nothing too serious.
*that’s beside the point though
The sleeping pills(and the feeling that accompanied their use) acted as a push of sorts. They got me out of the work and showed me that something needed to be redone.
*I lied, it is kind of serious. I’ll be able to handle it though-I always do.
Originally posted 2018-07-15 12:30:22.