Have you ever been in a confrontation with someone and almost been on the verge of violence? Afterward, did you regret allowing yourself to show the emotional response that you did? If so, then I completely understand the situation that you were in. I too once had an issue with emotional responses and showing people that I was angry. My anger would sometimes result in violent situations, so believe me I understand. Over time, (and after several confrontations) I’ve gained an understanding of what should be and shouldn’t be done in certain situations.
Don’t show anger
You never ever, ever show that you are angry. People feed off of that stuff. WE feed off of that stuff. Think about it. Have you ever gotten angry at someone and done your best to get that someone angry? I mean really put effort into getting them to the same emotionally charged level that you were on? In any of these situations did the person just totally ignore the fact that you were angry at them? Did they keep smiling and responding to you in the same bubbly, cheerful voice that they always have?
If so, how did that make you feel? You felt pretty foolish, didn’t you? Just imagine if you were on the opposite side of the anger. Think about the level of power that you would have if you were the person who was responding to that anger with kindness.
Think LONG TERM
It’s human nature to want to get back at someone. We don’t want to look weak and don’t appreciate it when people blatantly yell at us and make us look foolish. We want to respond, we allow ourselves to get angry. When I realized that a lot of the things that happen today either won’t matter tomorrow or can be taken advantage of at a later date, I simply stopped allowing myself to get angry. That isn’t to say that I don’t get pissed off anymore because I do. (just the other day I almost smacked the mess out of some dude. I caught myself for reasons mentioned in this post) I just stop myself from responding in the manner that I normally would because I understand that the future is bright and that there will be ample opportunities for retaliation. (If I choose to place emphasis on the situation. Most things just aren’t worth the thought.)
Practical ways to take control
Listed below are some of the things that work wonders in confrontational situations.
Keep your voice level
The way that we respond holds a lot of weight in deciding the direction that a conversation will go. That is to say that the tone of our voices is extremely important. When someone is angry at you and is obviously trying to take you to their level, do not respond. Do not show these people that you are angry, even if you are raging on the inside. Instead, keep your voice level and respond to them with kindness. Give them the bubbly response that we all know and hate.
Disregard everything that is said to you
Do not, and I repeat, do not pay attention to any of the words that are coming out of the person’s mouth. Don’t let your face show that you are paying attention to them. When I do this, I personally like to keep a straight face. I sometimes smile. Whatever I do, I don’t let anyone know that I am on the edge of getting physical with them. People pay a lot of attention to the way that we respond. Our facial expressions are very important, so make sure that you have one set when you are in the argument.
You don’t have to stand there and argue with ANYONE. If someone is attempting to abuse you mentally, leave. I’m telling you, it works wonders. You’ll leave the person who you were arguing with standing there, in awe of your amazing ability to ignore.
Don’t take anything personally
Don’t allow yourself to take anything that is said to you personally. Throughout the various arguments that I’ve been in when I’ve gotten angry, the one thing that I found in common throughout them all is that I took something personally. I allowed myself to get drawn into the argument and the result was that I got very, very angry. So, to avoid this in the future, I
realized that all I had to do was not pay attention to anything that these people said to me, at all. Obviously, this requires a decent level of detachment but when you realize that these people don’t know you at all, it becomes very easy.
i.e Your mama jokes.
I mentioned this earlier as one of my tactics but smile in their faces without relent. The easiest way to flip the switch on someone’s anger is to smile at them. Doing this shows them that you couldn’t care less about what they have to say and that you are in complete control of yourself. Don’t show them that you care, and you win. Even if you do care. You do this by smiling and wishing them the best in everything that they do.
When a person gets angry at you, the only thing that they want in response is for you to get angry back. They don’t want to look ignorant because they are the only person in the hallway yelling and raising their blood pressure. So, what do you do? Nothing. You protect yourself if something violent happens, but if not, you do nothing. You don’t have to yell. You don’t have to scream. Their anger is their problem, not yours. Remember that. All that you must do is smile and walk away. Think about how much angrier that will make the person whose goal is to piss you off and get a reaction from you.
Also, these reactions are only suitable for certain situations. If you are in an argument with someone who you care deeply about, it’s probably best that you show them that you care i.e. show emotion
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